everything happens for a reason.

Somehow in all the rush of Oxford tutorials, papers, pub nights, and European travels, I must have forgotten to keep writing. A few months ago, a friend told me to keep writing and to never stop writing. I've never thought of myself as a writer by any means. I am not eloquent in speech, I am awkward, and under pressure, I can never seem to be able to find just the right words. I use way too many words to describe what I'm saying, and I go off on tangents that no one really cares about. I'm an awful story teller, and usually I even lose interest in my own stories, I forget what I'm trying to say, and I get easily distracted by something like a tree or the color yellow. I guess I might say I am more of a listener.

Anyway, blame it on this anonymous friend. Here goes the restart to my blog. About me (is that narcisistic?). About life. About God. About anything.

Rewind to December 2009. Flying back from Oxford, I didn't realize what a whirlwind the next few months would be. Needless to say, Oxford was the time of my life. When people want the long answer to the question, "How was Oxford?" it's usually best to sit down for a "spot o' tea," a coffee date, or maybe even an entire day of stories. But most people just want the short answer: "It was THE best thing I could have ever done in my time in college...THE best thing in my life thus far." It's June now, about 6 months after I returned home from that magical place, and I still think about it every day. While I was there, so much of my heart was here and I just wanted to come home. Now, I would give almost anything to have the opportunity to go back. And someday I will. When I do, I will be fully invested in where I am, hold nothing back, and live this one life that I have been given going all out.

So much has happened since Oxford, there's no way I could even fit it all even into a short four, five, or maybe six hundred page book. There's been time to spend with family, time to spend with friends, falling on the floor laughter until I cry, cries-the kind where I can hardly breathe and my eyes get red and puffy so I don't wear make up for days. There have been joys-joys where I literally feel like my heart is an overflowing fountain, scratch that, a rushing river of immense joy that I can't help but want to spread around; there have been heartbreaks-the big kind where it physically hurts and the small subtle heartbreaks that no one seems to really even notice; there has been learning and growing-about myself, about others, mostly about God; there has been confusion and uncertainty, yet there has been assurance.

A few months ago, I read Ecclesiastes. At that time, one of the things I realized was that God has a plan. We may never know or understand His plan. Even in retrospect, we may never understand why things happen. Believe me, there are so many things that I look back and wonder why God let certain people and specific events come in and out of my life at those specific times and places. But the fact is, it doesn't really matter. Reality is that it did happen. I did experience places; I did meet people; they DID influence my life and I believe they were used by God to help shape me and form my heart into the woman that He wants me to be so that I may have the heart, strength, and courage to be used in any way (big or small) to glorify God.

Everything happens for a reason. I believe this. And I believe that God can use anything and everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, for his purposes, for his glory. Even my mistakes, He can (and does) use them.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

Now, there is still uncertainty; there is still confusion; there is still joy; there is still pain. But there is always God. My rock. My everything. The one who takes my mistakes, hardships, and stupidity and turns them into His perfect power.

when every morning feels like christmas...

Today, I woke up for school...and I definitely did not want to get out of my cozy bed. I suppose cozy would be a gross overstatement...have I mentioned that when I lay on this bed, I can feel the springs on my back. Yes, each individual circle of the spring. If I lay there long enough, I'm convinced I will have circle imprints on my back. Not only there, but I can feel the springs on my beeehind and my legs. The sheets are basically like cardboard. My flat mate actually cut her elbow on the sheets...and by "cut" I guess I mean it was more of a rugburn. Nevertheless, she bled. true story. (Don't worry, I have invested in new sheets. But 4 pound sheets aren't exactly the highest upgrade.) So my bed is really the opposite of cozy. But in the wee hours of the morning, it's still difficult to get out of.

So I got myself ready for school and once again, took the opportunity to leave before everyone else and have some alone time on my walk to school, and it was possibly the best decision I have made all day. This morning was perfect. It felt like Christmas morning. But I suppose every morning feels like that because Christmas morning in Southern California is usually around 75 degrees and sunny. Here, it is around 60 degrees in the morning, sometimes sunny. On this morning, I could see my breath. But it was perfect. My walk to school goes through part of the city, but not quite the city centre. I take a long route, only for the scenery. I walk through Christ Church College and the meadow right next to it. There are cows. Yes, cows. The famous Thames River also goes right past my walk to school. On this particular morning, the glorious morning sun was barely peeking through the white and grey clouds. The air was crisp. The meadow was the most perfect green with hints of dew slowly dripping down the blades of grass. I see a variety of people on my walk through the meadow. Today, I saw a photographer, a student, a family. I wonder what is going through their heads...if they are locals? Or just visiting? If they are taking in, breathing in, soaking in the beauty if this morning, a morning that reminds me just how incredible God is. I wonder how anyone could experience this, see this, and not think there is a God. I look at the old, antique Christ Church building. It really is a work of art. The beautifully carved window frames and wooden door. Every time I walk past it, someone is taking a picture (but maybe that's because it was in Harry Potter...did I mention I'm going to school at Hogwarts?). But just to the right is the meadow, the trees, the clouds, and the sun. As beautiful as that building is, I could not take my eyes off the natural sight to my right.

I am so lucky to be living in this place full of beautiful history, beautiful people, but most of all...beautiful mornings that feel almost like Christmas (if only my family, a cup of coffee, and the scent of pumpkin pie were here...)

busy, busy, busy

No new blog posts lately, I know I'm lagging. The past 17 days have been so incredible, overwhelming, shocking, and just flat out busy that it's hard for me to even catch up with myself, let alone this blog. There is absolutely no way to fully express what I have been experiencing the past couple weeks. In short, I have moved in to my new flat and tried to make the small white room as homey as possible by decorating the utterly bland walls with my scarves; I have walked a total of at least eight...thousand miles since I moved here and it doesn't matter what shoes I'm wearing, my feet will always get sore; London is phenomenal no matter how many times I've been there; and I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the fact that because of an 8 hour time difference, everyone at home is sleeping while my day passes by so incredibly fast.

God is teaching me so many things even in this short time that I've been here. Honestly, it's difficult to put it all into words. I feel like I never get a minute alone sometimes, so yesterday I woke up early so I could walk to school alone and at my own pace. I read a book while walking for about 10 minutes and I felt exactly like belle in Beauty and the Beast. It was magical. But then I saw one of my neighbors and the solitude was broken. I'm realizing how important it is to step back and have time to think through everything that is going on. I'm realizing how much I need time away from people to slow down, breathe, pray, and feel God. I don't know how people get through life without God, I certainly could not do it. He is the only thing in my life right now that is always stable, always comforting, and always there. I am learning a lot about love this semester...loving others unconditionally and without expectation. Loving everyone, including those that are seemingly impossible to love, the way Christ loves me. God is the only one in the entire universe that could give me the strength to love. I need Him more than anything.

I feel like my thoughts are scattered, and some of this is coming out of left field. I suppose that's what happens when you don't consistently write blog posts....but that's what is going through my head and my heart right now. So there's a little update. Hopefully they'll come more often...

moving day

We have now been in Oxford for a little over two days. I feel as though I have walked miles around this city. I'm starting to recognize streets and buildings. I'm finding what food places I like, and where I never want to go again. I found a laundry place that charges 4 pounds per load (about $6 or $7...I'm hoping I never have to use this one). I've visited my college which is absolutely beautiful and extremely old. I've discovered that people let you in a lot more places for free once they find out you go to school at Oxford, so I'll be milking that one all semester.

The weather has gone from sunny and warm to cold and pouring rain. I hear it's relentlessly hot back at home, so I'm thankful to be in a cooler place.

Tomorrow, I move into my Oxford flat. The adventure begins. I find out where I will be living, who I'm living with, and I'll somehow need to do laundry since I haven't in two weeks. The luxury of having Dad buy all my meals will come to an end. Vacation will be over, school will begin....

Another album has been uploaded. These are all Oxford pictures taken by my mom. I've been lazy in the photography area lately. But I have three and a half more months to take my own pictures!

Also, you can turn on captions for the pictures when viewing the slideshow down at the bottom...

http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=1351263023/a=1619286023_1619286023/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/

Oxford Day One

After many days of traveling, we have arrived in Oxford. It is old and beautiful and I think I'm going to really like it, once I move in, which is still another couple days away. There are so many stories just from the past few days...like the day we went on a bike ride in Paris during a downpour and every driver thought it would be fun to drive in the puddles and splash us...I was riding through tidal waves...but it would take novel to tell all the stories. Instead, I have uploaded plenty of pictures from our travels. Here are the links...

London: http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=1339473023/a=1619286023_1619286023/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/

Paris: http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=1340214023/a=1619286023_1619286023/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/

Edinburgh: http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=1340898023/a=1619286023_1619286023/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/

The weather is cold and I see the sun significantly less than southern california. After converting dollars to pounds, I also have significantly less money. I usually feel lost, but after just a day here in Oxford, I'm starting to figure out my way around the colleges and some libraries. (I also found a mall, which would be great, except that everything is almost twice as expensive after converting it...so I doubt I'll be shopping much, unless it's for food.) I've also found a couple cafes, a McDonald's (when I feel like something familiar), and a great place for afternoon tea.

I am starting to miss home more and more. But I know this experience will be worth it. Until next time...cheers!

packing

How do i fit my life into two suitcases? The airplane carrying me, my parents, and hopefully all 4 of our suitcases to start a four month adventure in England (or 2 weeks for the parents) will lift off in approximately 59 hours, and I have put any kind of packing off until now. And I am continuing to procrastinate by writing this blog, but I figured I need to start it at some point...What a better opportunity than now, when I should be packing. Anyway, I don't exactly know what to expect. Hopefully it's great, since I'll be there for 4 months. Hopefully I have some great stories, otherwise no one will read this thing, except Mom and Dad. As of now, I have no stories. Just 59 hours, and counting, to pack, soak in this glorious sunshine, and eat some in-n-out. Oh, how I will miss the french fries and special sauce.